Today I did something stupid.
This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but there are times when my glass is half full, and times when it's half empty. Today my glass was full. Full of shit - which not only tasted terrible (although it has half the calories of a regular shit, without those lumpy bits that are so hard to suck up through a straw) but smelled even worser.
I should start again. Life may not have an undo button, but there's nothing to stop me from erasing the previous paragraph and starting again. Nothing. But I won't. Wanna know why?
Because. (to my third grade teacher Mrs. Stapleton: "You can too answer a question with 'BECAUSE'!")
Where was I? Right, I was stupid today.
Today I started my day by setting a record regarding my alarm clock's snooze button. I made it a full hour, and then it stopped. Then I fell asleep, and woke up at 11:00 to three very hungry cats. I also missed my appointment with Vernon. He had called last week and wanted to show me something he found.
Oh well. What can you do? I'd been screwing around all week, so another day wasn't going to cause me any extra distress. With that glass half full mind set, I checked messages while I fed the cats.
"Hi, this is Norton." pause "Um, Mister Chapman ..." (I knew something was up, usually Norton called me John, or when he thought he could get away with it JC. "My mom was wondering when you were going to pay me for the yard work, and for the time I spent helping you out at the Trade Show. Can you please give me a call and let me know when I can expect to get paid?"
I couldn't believe it. I was out thousands of dollars and he wanted to get paid? This is when my glass became less than full. It was also when I should have gone out for breakfast, had a coffee (hold the flax) and calmed down.
What did I do?
I called Norton. I spent close to half an hour yelling at him over the phone. I let it all out, nothing held back. I felt great for about 10 seconds after I had finished - and then I felt guilty. Really guilty.
It only got worse. In the afternoon my doorbell rang, and there was Norton and his mom. Norton looked embarrassed, and his mom had a look I'd only seen on those National Geographic specials. You know the ones where they show how mother lions protect their young by killing anything that gets in their way. I felt like leaping through tall grass ...
They just stood there. And stood there. Me getting glared at, and Norton standing there looking at his feet. The silence was broken by three words "How dare you." She must have liked the reaction she got from me because she repeated them, "How dare you."
I didn't know what to do. They just stood there. Eventually I went inside and got my checkbook. I must have put in the right amount of zeroes because Norton's mom smiled at me. Took the check, and then gave her son the look she'd given me - he actually got smaller.
"I'll be around on the weekend to do the grass." and then he mumbled something that sounded like "I'm sorry." With that, Norton's mom actually grabbed her son by the ear and marched him down the walk to her car.
My cup runneth over.
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