Bile, Beer and Flying Pigs

I think I ate something funny last night. Not funny "Ha ha" either. I've been eating crackers and drinking ginger ale all day. I'd forgotten how much fun dry heaves can be, and how truly awful bile tastes. For those of you who hate beer and refer to beer as bile, let me tell you, the only thing bile and beer have in common is the letter "B". On the plus side, I think I finally got rid of all the gum I'd swallowed when I was younger.

I was worried about Margaret being as sick as I was, but I need not have worried. She called me in the morning from work to wish me a happy Monday. Something she only does when she's trying to goad me into saying something stupid - an all too frequent occurrence. When I explained how sick I was, and how terrible I felt I was hoping for a little sympathy. what I got was nothing. Although she asked about Clarence.

I wasn't in any shape to go anywhere, which sucks because I planned on going to see Vernon today even though I try not to work on "Non-day" since I refuse to acknowledge the existence of Monday. I need him to look over the books. I'm falling behind, and I know that I'm making more than enough money to cover things, so somewhere there's a disconnect.

The way I felt today didn't leave me in any condition to do much other than sit in front of the TV and cuddle with the cats. Clarence 2 is showing more signs of life, but he hides under the bed when I put on my gloves.

I seldom watch TV during the day. When I was a kid there were game shows on all day long. They've been replaced by "Judge" shows. Man there are a lot of TV judges - and boy are there a lot of screwed up people out there. I'd like to be on one of them shows as the plaintiff. I think I'd sue Norton for breach of implied contract regarding my lawn. He said he fertilized my grass on the weekend ...

Speaking of Norton, his mom called me this morning asking me if I needed any extra help around the place. I told her I'd get back to her (just as soon as pigs fly). The upcoming trade show is looming over my head like a 50 pound bag of cement. I have a sinking feeling that I may actually have to give the kid a call and ask for help.

I can see the winged pigs off in the distance doing barrel rolls ...